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Kid’s Command Central – Parenting Battle-plan

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I write this post with a little bit of concern because I want to first and foremost state that I am not an expert. I am sharing what we are using as parents at this time in our journey of parenting. It may be something that makes sense to you, your style family, your kids personalities. It may not be. I haven’t made up my mind yet if I think it is the best thing on the planet. Might sound weird, but it is true. Oh yeah, and it’s not really a battle-plan(that is a little bit of a joke), though sometimes it does feel like a battle, this parenting thing.



See, this Kid’s Command Central is actually more structure than I prefer. However, I think our children can and do teach us so many things. My oldest daughter, Snowflake, is someone who thrives on structure. She needs it. Without it she has a tendency to spin out. She needs a plan and needs to know what is expected of her. Through my oldest daughter, I am learning that structure can be a good thing. It can be a comforting thing. I am even learning that to a degree, I need structure as well. I am learning that without writing my own plan or to-do list for the day, I get lost and totally off track. With as many plates as I have spinning right now, I can’t really afford that.

In March of this year, we started into one of those lovely phases that children go through. (You can read about that here, if you would like.) My oldest daughter was choosing to take until 8pm and 9pm every night in order to complete her school work(we homeschool). It was completely unnecessary and completely disruptive to our whole family. I suffered in that I couldn’t get anything else done. My youngest daughter suffered, in that I had less time available for her. Our marriage suffered because I had nothing left to even attempt to relate to Mr. T, not to mention that he always came home from work to a really lovely home environment.

After almost 2 months of this going on and nothing seeming to work. I had enough. My mom was in town visiting us, so Mr. T and I went on a date. The entire date, all we did was discuss our joint plan for parenting. What we felt we needed to do, how to handle this, what types of consequences, and rewards. It had to be something that both of us could implement. It had to be something we agreed on or it wouldn’t work. There was discussion of not continuing to homeschool as well. Snowflake really wants to homeschool. For now, we will continue. Things have improved with our Kid’s Command Central and the parenting ‘battle-plan’ we are trying. Of course, we will re-evaluate as necessary and make changes as needed.

The thing about Mr. T and myself, is that we are very good at giving out consequences, but we both suck at the follow through. He usually forgets and I usually wimp out, preferring not to deal with the fall out and just move on. Neither of those things is healthy in parenting, though I am certain we are not the only parents who suffer from these ‘conditions.’ In our discussions, we knew we needed to come up with something visual in order to remind us of what the kids needed to do, our expectations as well as any rewards or consequences. It HAD to be visual and it HAD to be simple. That would give us the best chance of actually making a change and sticking to it. We were pretty serious about making a change and helping our family{hence the battle-plan reference, we felt like we were ready to do battle ;-)}.

The Kid’s Command Central came from all of that.

Let me take you on a little tour of the Kid’s boards and tell you what we were trying to implement.
Can you see in the chart for each child how I have color coded the responsibilities? They yellow are things that need to be completed in the morning. The blue are for the afternoon or evening. You can get your printable kids chart in my Real Organized Bundle. As I stated in the discussion above, I am trying to make it visual and simple to see what needs to happen when, both for the kids and for us parents.
A few years ago, one of my children was dealing with severe anxiety. I had no idea what to do to help her, so at that time, we saw a child psychologist who was wonderful and so incredibly helpful to us. One of the things she taught me that really stuck with me, is that when making lists or charts like this, you need to pick out only 3 or 4 items that you want to highlight. In other words, don’t put every detail of every single thing they need to do on the chart. I technically went over that 3 or 4 things with this chart as there are 5 for the morning and 5 for the afternoon. However, this was still a factor for me in deciding what to put on the chart. I could easily have chosen a lot of other things for the chart. I picked out the few things that we really needed to work on. I can change the chart anytime I want if and when we need to work on new things. On this chart you will see what was driving me nuts… the kids leaving their clothes all over the floor, dishes on the table and cleaning up(the 5 min. clean-up). They have all improved tremendously!
Since we are looking at Snowflakes chart(above), do you see that we set a specific time that she needed to have her school work complete? We set that to give her a clear guideline and our expectation. I made sure it was realistic and not pushing her too hard as she is usually a slow worker. We have adjusted the time to 4:15 and next month it will be moved to 4:00p.m. We were giving her some time to adjust to this new system. She now has consequences if she is not done for the day by that time. She also has a fantastic reward she can earn if she is done.
Once again in keeping the charts simple and visual. I marked out any days that we do not complete that responsibility. It makes it very easy to look at the chart and see what needs to be done today.
I also laminated the charts so we can use them over and over. Can you see the crayons in their paper covered boxes? Those are dry erase crayons (have you heard of them…another thing I learned from bloggy land!). They mark their charts, as you can see above. At the end of the week, we wipe them clean and start over. Makes an Eco-friendly mama happy!
Our rewards and consequences needed to be visual as well so we would remember either who needed to do something or who had earned something. Believe it or not, we forget the rewards, too (we are really good parents like that, lol!). I made the rewards and consequences using my scrapbook software and magnetic paper. Once they were printed out, I punched them out with my shape makers and they were ready to use.
As to our specific rewards and consequences, let me just say that is one of the things that I’m still not totally comfortable with in our new battle-plan. I’ve never been a fan of rewards. Consequences, I’ve always tried to make the natural consequences of the kid’s actions be something they could learn from. Clearly, that wasn’t working at this time, so it was time to try something else. This part feels a bit vulnerable to share with you as it is quite personal and a place I could see someone getting mean or snarky about…so please just remember this is what we are trying and I’m not an expert.
The main thing that we use as a reward are tickets. This came from the Accountable Kids Program we used to ‘use.’ They can turn the tickets in for 30 minutes of TV or Computer games or a few other things. They earn those by completing their morning responsibilities or their evening  responsibilities . That is what is stored in the paper covered boxes with the  dry erase crayons .
The other big reward for both girls is a night they can stay up late if they have hit the mark for the week with their school work. For my girls, it is a huge incentive! They get to stay up late, control the remote, get uninterrupted time with mom and dad, and whatever else they can think of. They love it!
As far as consequences, the main consequence for Pumpkin is not earning tickets and/or time out. She is a kid that doesn’t need much in terms of consequences. She generally wants to follow directions and do what is expected of her. She also learns really well from the natural consequences.
For Snowflake, who likes to push and challenge things a bit more, we needed consequences and we needed to be consistent with them. That is my problem, I tend to implement once and think that is enough. She is smart and sees that I am only going to do it once. So, she pushes to see if the boundary is still there. Usually it isn’t, to be honest, so she goes on doing whatever it is that I don’t want her to do and I don’t stop her. Wow, this is hard to write because I feel like I sound like a horrible parent. I am just keeping it real (you know as in ‘The REAL Thing with the Coake Family’-this blog).
The main consequence we wanted to implement with Snowflake had to do with her completing her school work on time. Of course, if she doesn’t complete her responsibilities, she doesn’t earn tickets either and she spends time in time out as needed as well. For not completing the school work, we decided to make things cumulative to send a message that we mean business and it is going to get very uncomfortable for you if you aren’t finishing on time. I also tried to have her do things that I would like to do or need to do, but often because she is taking up more of my time, I can’t get to. I was trying to sort of bring some natural consequences into the equation even though they aren’t really natural consequences for her, but more things I can’t get to.
Here is what happens if she is not done with school on time – this is based on one school week and does not carry over from week to week (I can’t believe I am writing this out for you to see….slight panic attack now!):
Day 1 – Sweep the kitchen floor (I figure if she only misses one day, no big consequence because we can all have a bad day now and then)
Day 2 – Sweep kitchen floor & lose 2 tickets
Day 3 – Sweep kitchen floor & lose 2 tickets & no crafts
Day 4 – Sweep kitchen floor & no crafts & no electronics on Saturday & help mommy clean for 15 minutes
Day 5 – Sweep kitchen floor & no crafts & no electronics on Sunday & help mommy clean for 15 minutes
We have, since putting this battle-plan into action, decided to give her one 30 minute pass for the week. If she is running late one day and needs an extra 30 minutes of time to finish her work, she can turn it in and not be in trouble. She can only use it one day per week.
Well, there you have it and now that I am done panicking that I just wrote that for all of you to see, I’m going to move on to something more fun. Oh, and by the way, I hate implementing this. I hate punishing my daughter. I always want to cry along with her, and sometimes do, when she misses her time frame for that day. It sucks to do it. I also know that it wasn’t working in the slightest for anyone in our family the way it was before….so there is that. Sometimes it would be nice if parenting was easy, but it’s not…so I will put on my big girl panties and do what I gotta do. I guess I will find out later if I did it well or not.
Now, moving back to subjects that don’t make me panic. The last thing I want to show you from our boards are our helping hands hearts. This is a slight carry over from the ‘Accountable Kids’ program. I feel that it is important to teach my kids to help other people and to not only look out for themselves but to look out for and help others. The helping hands are for that. The goal is that each day they will move all 3 of their helping hands hearts behind their chart to show they did it, meaning they helped their sister, me or daddy. I feel like it helps foster a cooperative house where we help each other and attempt to work as a team. The ‘other’ heart, I made for them to be on the look out for people they could help when we are out and about. Again, I want them to learn to help people and be kind to others.
I love this part of our battle-plan, but it isn’t being implemented at all. They are just looking really cute and pretty on their boards. I need to come up with a different method for this and maybe some type of reward for completing it. Any ideas for me?
Well, there you have a tour of our Kid’s Command Central and what we were thinking when I made them and as we implement them. I think there are about 20 other things I could have added or written about as well, but I think that was a pretty good overview. Hope you enjoyed it and maybe got an idea or 2 for your own family.

Next week we will be back on our tour of the command central. I was up late last night finishing the calendar portion. I’m still not completely done, so next week, I will show you the adult portion, which are dry erase boards both Mr. T and I use to keep ourselves on track. I hope you will come back and see what I did there.

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Comments

  1. Melissa@TheHappierHomemaker says

    I really, really love this. Seriously. Thank you for putting yourself out there and describing what you do. My husband and I also are pretty bad about following through. With three kids 5 and under I’m always distracted and my husband is in the Army and gone a lot so he doesn’t love disciplining when he’s actually home. My boys are logical though and this could help us a lot. So again, thank you.

    Reply

    • K Coake says

      Thank you so much! I would imagine having your husband gone a lot makes it really hard. Both for you, while he is gone, and for all of you in all those transition times. My husband has had to travel a lot in the past and it gets really hard for everyone.
      I hope you find something that works really well for all of you to make things easier and more simple.

      Reply

  2. Anonymous says

    Hi I came on over from 6 Sisters. Thank You for sharing this post with us. I too have a hard time with follow through on the consequences so you helped me by saying PUT IT IN writing thus, all can see and know what to expect. I don’t know how old snowflake and pumpkin are but I know my 15 year old would not enjoy losing computer time or sweeping the kitchen floors– so thanks for posting that portion, too. Have a great weekend.

    Reply

    • K Coake says

      I’m so glad my sharing has helped give you an idea with your own children. My kids are 10 and 5 and don’t like having computer time taken away, but honestly, taking the crafts away is harder on my 10 year old. That is the worst for her (and me in enforcing it).
      Have a great week!

      Reply

  4. BeanBugCrafts says

    This looks like a great system. I’m always looking for ways to help with our schedules and routines. Pinned it for later. Found your post from the TT&J Weekend Wrap Up. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply

    • K Coake says

      Thank you so much for your super kind comments! They mean so much, when it was kind of hard to put this out there for a lot of people to see. I will try to remember to come by and link up tomorrow morning. Thanks for the invite.

      Reply

  9. trek says

    Great ideas – especially with respect to the consequences. There are no surprises for your Snowflake and she can’t call foul or the ever popular “not faaaaaiiir”. Everything written out like a contract.

    Reply

    • K Coake says

      You don’t have to use a refrigerator. I hung mine up with command picture hangers. So, any wall you have would work. I just used my refrigerator because, for me, it is in a place I see it often and I have no real wall space in my kitchen.
      Hope if you make it, it works well for you.

      Reply

  15. Kimberlee says

    This is really helpful for me. My two are still young, but craving a little more structure. I love how you set out the consequences, the helping hearts, and the rewards. Great idea on adding a free pass, and the tickets. In other words I think I will start doing something similiar for my girls. Thanks soooo much for this post. ~Kimberlee

    Reply

  16. K Coake says

    Aww…thank you so much. I’m so glad my post is a help to you and the many others whom have said they enjoyed it as well. Thank you for your kind words and feedback. I really appreciate it. I hope that if you implement something like this it is really helpful for your family. I would love to hear how it goes. Take Care.

    Reply

  17. bres4th says

    I Love this! I think I have tried just about every “chore chart” system out there- they work great for a week or so but then we never follow through with it. I have 4 kids – 13, 11, 7 & 10 mo. I think something like this will work great for my older kids!
    BTW.. you sound like a great mom – we all have our weak points- thanks for putting yourself out there.. I can relate 100% to what you’ve said 🙂

    Reply

    • K Coake says

      Awww, thank you so much! I can totally understand what you mean about things working for a week and then no follow through. I have really had to work on the follow through part and thus far as I am being more consistent and following through, I am seeing that it is working…funny how those are correlated! 😉
      I’m so glad you stopped by and thank you so much for your sweet comments. I really appreciate them!

      Reply

  18. Anonymous says

    how do you deal with one daughter earning tv time and the other one not? Does she not get to watch? This is what I have a hard time “policing” if some of my kids are allowed to watch tv and some haven’t earned it (I have 5 kids).

    Reply

    • K Coake says

      Each girl has her tickets and can turn them in. They are allowed to turn in a maximum of 3 per day. If they don’t have tickets, they often watch the other one play the computer game or watch the show with them. We try to be careful that the one turning in the ticket is really picking something they want and not what their sister wants. For the most part, they can watch what the other has chosen. There are times, when one is in trouble or whatever, that we don’t allow them to watch what the other has chosen. We don’t do that very often, but have done it occasionally and the ‘policing’ part is a pain.
      Hope that helps.

      Reply

  19. Anna says

    Thanks you so much. My husband and I have been having a hard time with our 4 year old and almost 2 year old. This looks great and I would like to implement it, I will have dummy it down for my youngest, but this would be really helpful. Like you we are great at giving consequences, but not so much as following though.

    Reply

    • K Coake says

      Thank you! I’m so glad that my writing the post could help you. This has been working well for us (still). Of course we haven’t been 100% consistent, but much more so. I hope whether it is this or something else, you find what will work for you and your family.
      Take care,
      KC

      Reply

  20. we3ernes says

    I really appreciate you posting this. I realize now what is failing in my own system is the lack of posted consequences and rewards! Doh! I’ve been needing to rework her chore list anyway, and will be incorporating some of these ideas. Thanks also for saying that it is still working for you, that is the REAL test of any system. 😀

    Reply

    • K Coake says

      Thank you! I am so glad that my putting it out there is able to help others.
      It has been a long time now and it is still working (as long as we actually follow up on it…which sometimes gets forgotten). I just did new charts to work on the things we need now. I hope you are able to find something that helps and works for you and your family.
      Take care,
      KC

      Reply

  21. Anonymous says

    “She is smart and sees that I am only going to do it once. So, she pushes to see if the boundary is still there. Usually it isn’t, to be honest, so she goes on doing whatever it is that I don’t want her to do and I don’t stop her. Wow, this is hard to write because I feel like I sound like a horrible parent.”
    Until I read this, I couldnt figure out what was wrong with my parenting style of my 15 year old first born. I was just assuming once should be enough. This really REALLY helped me. It is such a relief to be able to find that one thing I was missing. I dont think I am a terrible parent. I know that it is the most challenging task anyone can undertake and I know a lot of people that have made the choice not to.
    Thank you for sharing because it helped me. And ut is inspiring, also, to know that there are people who work together at parenting like you and your children’s father do. 🙂

    Reply

    • K Coake says

      Oh, I’m so glad this could be of help to you. We are still working on things here… I think parenting is always changing and evolving because if we ever thing we have it figured out, they move out of that stage and on to the next.
      Thank you so much for you heartfelt comment. I really appreciate it.
      Take care,
      KC

      Reply

  22. Anonymous says

    Ok so I just found your blog from Pinterest, while I was looking for chore charts of all things. I NEVER take the time the comment on stuff I see, but I just couldn’t help myself… I just had to say thank you for being so honest, so open, about everything here… I have 2 daughters too, 10 and 6, and they sound a lot like yours… My oldest is SO strong-willed. I jumped over and read about the “phase” you mentioned (which is probably over and started again by now lol) and I was so encouraged to be reminded that I wasn’t the only one dealing with this messy stuff 🙂 I really appreciate your candidness regarding all this… It’s so hard to remember you’re not alone in this parenting thing when everyone seems to be Instagramming their perfect lives and how wonderful their children are and I can’t even make it through the store without thinking ‘Why didn’t I just wait and leave you kids at home?!’ lol Thanks again for your truthfulness and courage to share it. I have already bookmarked you 🙂

    Reply

    • KC Coake says

      Oh, I’m so glad you found me and that it helped you. I had a big smile on my face reading your comments. Thank you for leaving such a great comment for me. Sometimes it is hard to be honest like this and put it out there, but it is one of my goals with my blog. I want to be real not fake. I had to laugh when you said that the ‘phase’ was probably over and started again…you aren’t too far off, though I think we are in a new phase. LOL about the store, too! You must be with me when I am thinking the same thing! Unfortunately, my husband travels tons and we live cross country from family…so I am all too often in the store with the kids. Uuuggghh!
      Thank your for commenting and making my day!
      KC

      Reply

  23. Carrie Farrell Yeager says

    I found my way to your blog through another one (can’t remember which one….lol). Anywho, I have been reading every single one of your posts for days! I wanted to thank you for sharing this information and putting yourself out there. We have an 8 year old daughter who is pushing all boundaries and my husband and I are at our wits end. We too are good at handing out consequences and not following through. We also have tried so many chore/responsibility charts and they last for a week or two then fall by the wayside. It is refreshing to see a mom “like me” who has the best of intentions and is trying her best but can admit that it is so hard to consistently keep up with the battles our wonderful children engage us in. Good for you and THANK YOU for your honesty in this post. It has given me the push I need to try again and also a refreshing reminder that we as parents all have the same struggles. I have been feeling like a failure this week, as things have been rough with her. I am ready to put on my big girl panties and try, try again.

    Reply

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