So, you know I title these posts that I do once a month, “Keeping It Real.” Today I’m going to keep it real…more real than I have been before. I’m definitely not going to keep it magazine glossy.
You see the truth right now for me is that I am really struggling. I’m struggling to keep up. I’m struggling to make sense of what I have in my life right now and I’m struggling to keep it together and be responsible on a a daily basis. What I want to do is to turn on the TV, stay in my PJ’s and just hang out and watch TV like the good old days. You know the days before blogging, before homeschooling, before kids, before owning a house, beforeĀ marriage, before what feels like everything right now. Of course I wouldn’t trade what I currently have for anything. I’m just worn out and overextended and falling further behind on a daily basis.Ā
I look at other peoples blogs and I wonder how the heck they have time to do everything they are doing and all they say they are doing with their kids. I’m jealous. I want that magazine glossy life. Then I feel inadequate and as though I am doing something totally wrong that I am struggling so much to keep up (of course I haveĀ convenientlyĀ forgotten that due to my husband traveling all the time for work, I am essentially single parenting).Ā
The truth for me is that what I am choosing to do is a lot. What I am choosing to do is a challenge. What I am choosing to do is also what I want to do. The struggle for me comes in letting go. Letting go of doing it perfectly or even just what I perceive is supposed to be done. Perhaps even what I see others doing on their blog. Letting go of my desire and perhaps even need of a tidy and organized home. Letting go of my desire for a clean home that anyone can come in and not see the build up and neglect. Letting go of what I see as all the things I must address as a homeschool parent to make sure my kids are adequately or in my dreams, beautifully educated. Letting go of the mile long list of thing that I ‘should’ do on this blog. Design work that should be done, a marketing plan that should be written up so I am cohesive in how I am presenting myself, because I am not at all right now. I have some fairy tale version of how this is all supposed to go and reality is, it isn’t going that way. I know, shocking, right? And truthfully, I don’t really want the magazine glossy, it is just so damn hard to not compare with the proverbial ‘Joneses.’
I went to a homeschool conference this past weekend. It was a good time to get a few new ideas and some great take aways for me. You see I have had people recently telling me that I need to give up the structure and de-school or un-school. This has come from several different places. I think it is people meaning well trying to help me when they hear me struggling with the work/life/family balance. The thing that I took away from the conference in twoĀ separateĀ occasions is that I don’t need to give that structure up… you know why? The structure I have in place isn’t for me. One of my daughters really needs structure, craves it, thrives on it. One of the presenters in a session at the conference talked about that she was an unschooler. Ā She then proceeded to shock me by describing how unschooling her son meant he wanted things all buttoned up. He wasnted to know what was next and have all his T’s crossed and I’s dotted. It is the opposite description that I would ever use for unschooling. It shocked me and it described my daughter. I had a moment of clarity that this homeschooling journey means different things to different families and even within the same family there are different ways of schooling to address different needs. In that moment I knew that I am giving my daughter what she needs and I need to not listen to my sweet and well meaning friends.Ā
The other take away for me was a session for homeschoolers who work. They had a panel of 5 people who answered our questions. It was a great session. The biggest thing I learned is that I am right on track. How I am feeling, what I am experiencing are all par for the course for people who choose to work and homeschool. It is hard, it is stressful, it is busy, it does often require late nights or early mornings….all totally normal! Whew! Of course, they had some great tips as well…but just hearing from other working homeschoolers that this is normal made a huge impact on me.Ā
So, for now, we are taking a short sanity break for Mommy. We could call it Spring break if that makes people feel better. Mommy needs a week, maybe two to regroup and get myself ready to keep going again. Mommy needs a break to come up with some type of new structure for our family that will flow a little better (maybe) and produce a little less guilt (maybe) for me. Mommy needs a week to get back in touch with my gut, heart, intuition, whatever you want to call it, because I have gotten too far away from listening to my gut and too close to listening to all of the pressure and shoulds. For me, that is a bad place to reside.Ā
Soon, we will be back at our table working again…or maybe working on some nature studies enjoying the spring weather should it ever arrive. There are no educational emergency. My kids will be OK. More importantly, I will be OK. You see, if I am in a better space, then they will benefit from that because I am in a better frame of mind to deal with raising a family.Ā
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Ā© 2011-2013Ā The Real Thing with the Coake Family.Ā ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Ā© 2011-2013Ā The Real Thing with the Coake Family.Ā ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
I don’t “work” but I do have 4 kids who are six and under, a house to run, and two kids in school. I can relate to your feelings. I found myself needed a break too, so I bumped our spring break up a week. I had a whole list of things I was going to “get done” and actually accomplished only one thing. But, I came back refreshed and reinvigorated. I hope the same happens for you, and that you can find a new method that will work for you can your kids.
Best Wishes! Dana @ https://dana-projectday.blogspot.com/
I’m glad to know others can relate to how I am feeling. I’m getting there at feeling refreshed and such…think I need a little more time to be ready to go back at it again.
Thanks for your kind comments.
KC
Brilliant – well said!
Oh, Thank you.
KC
Appreciate your honesty. I am going through the same thing in different circumstances. Gives me food for thought. C3
Thanks, Mom.
KC
Thoughtful post, and very good points made- thanks for sharing š Keep on with your better frame of mind.
Happy Easter Coming soon and it’s always great to see creative minds at work. š
Visiting from Weekend Wrapup @ Tatertots & Jello linky party
Smiles,
Suz @MaytagNMom
NW Illinois
CURRENT PROJECT OF MINE AT LINKY PARTIES
Thank you and Happy Easter to you as well!
KC
Hang in there mama!! We all go through growing pains…I hear and feel your struggles. Thank you for your honesty!
Thank you! Sometimes it is hard to be honest and put it out there for others, but the truth is so many of us feel the same way. I think it is nice to hear someone say it.
Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.
KC
Good luck with your “Spring Break.” I just got done with my Spring Break (but my kids are in public school) and by the end I was ready to go back to a more scheduled routine. I hope you do take time to just chill and watch some TV. Maybe I’ll be chilling and watching TV too. Maybe I’ll blog about it too (just kidding – or am I? hmmmm, it’s a thought) š
Yeah, I’m getting there with getting ready to get back to a more scheduled/structured day. lol about the chilling and blogging about watching TV. I’m sure there are plenty who do blog about just that…there is a blog for everything!
KC
Enjoy your break; we all need a break sometimes. We took an unplanned spring break this past week due to my migraines. I totally get what you mean about feeling the pressure to live up to the expectations (and sometimes the perceived expectations) of others. I recently wrote a post about the pressure to be a Supermom. https://fearfultofearlessblog.com/there-are-no-supermoms/
Thank you. I have enjoyed my break. I doubt that I will ever be caught up, but it is nice to go at a slower pace and get a few things accomplished.
KC
I totally get how you are feeling, and my big kid goes to school each day. Transitioning to SAHMommy who also works 25 hours a week from home has been so hard. It was MUCH easier working all day. My son asked me if I would consider homeschooling, and I told him that I didn’t think that I would be cut out for it. I can’t be patient or structured enough. Kudos to you for your hard work! I think the thing that we Mommys forget the most is self-care. If our tanks are empty, we can help the children be the people we want them to be. Enjoy your Spring Break!
~Emily
Wow, sounds like a lot of transitions for you right now. Yeah, I agree that we often forget self-care. It is hard to make myself stop the list and all the other things to do something for myself and yet as you mention…it is SOO necessary.
Take care,
KC
Life as a Mom is hard. You are doing great. I have to take breaks and sometime think…Well this is not going to get done. Things you see in blog are “magazine” It’s not all the truth. You do’t see the kids tantrums and etc… Hahaha I have plenty of that.
I would love if you link this to my party:
https://lechateaudesfleurs.blogspot.com/2013/03/paper-crafts-projects-and-link-party.html
XOXO
Isabelle
LOL! Yes, plenty of fits and such here, too. Wouldn’t it be funny to post those as a blog post or vlog! We could laugh at each other and what ‘real’ life is really like. š
KC
Praying you will have a great spring break and a chance to rejuvenate. Thanks for sharing from your heart struggles so many of us face. My youngest is now a senior, and I often grew weary homeschooling – it’s a lot of work and a long road. My girls would both tell you that they were so thankful to have been homeschooled, so it’s very much worth the cost. I will be praying you will find a schedule that will be a blessing to both you and your family!
Thank you so much for leaving your comments! It is so nice to hear from someone that has been there and has made it through (or almost through). I love hearing that your daughters are both glad they have been homeschooled.
Take care,
KC
Amen! I am not a homeschooler, but I stayed home and did daycare for 11 years. I started working outside the home last Sept. It has been a wonderful, but HARD transition! I have to give up a lot of my perfection-isms, and that’s been difficult. Thank you so much for writing this! I just started blogging again and a few months hiatus, I feel like I know what I want my blog to be, a scrapbook for ME!
Oh wow! Staying at home and doing daycare is a whole other commitment. I doubt I could do that… I think I would go nuts with the rigorous schedule. Love what you want your blog to be…sounds fun!
KC
Although I am not in your exact situation, I understand. There are times when the “list” doesn’t get done and that’s okay. Thanks for this post. It sounds like you are accomplishing a lot more than you give yourself credit for so keep going! š
Yeah, I think that it is a universal thing with women and with mom’s to have more to do than is possible to actually do. It is hard for me to not get it done, but I am slowly learning to let things go. I think you are right that I am accomplishing a lot more than I give myself credit for…another work in progress…sigh…
Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting.
KC
I totally get it. I can’t believe how homeschooling moms do it…but it’s important to realize your limitations. Thanks so much for sharing your heart and thoughts with us at Pinworthy Projects!
I think I’m still figuring out my limitations. I tend to just go and go and go until I hit the wall…probably is a better way to deal than that, right?
Thanks for stopping by.
KC
I totally hear ya, KC!! I’ve been feeling pretty overwhelmed myself at times between homeschooling, keeping up our home (or trying ;)) and then, on top of my “actual responsibilities” in life as a wife, mom and homeschooling teacher to my kiddos, doing the whole blogging thing too. š I do enjoy it, but always have to remind myself when I look at other bloggers and wonder “how do they squeeze all that in?!” that they may have much different priorities than I do, they may be stretching themselves too thin, or what they share may not actually even be reality at all. Sometimes people paint a perfect picture but in reality things may be quite different. It’s a struggle at times, but so important to try not to compare ourselves and our very different lives to others. So true when it comes to homeschooling as well! Each child may learn differently, and have different strengths and struggles. Homeschooling friends with advice usually come from a place of trying to help. Yet, you know what works best for your children. It may not be what the speakers at a conference or your homeschooling friends do, but I’m certain that being the loving and caring mama that you obviously are, you’ll know what works best for your family and that’s exactly what you’ll do. š … Enjoy your break! They are needed now and then! I’m sure you’ll return refreshed! š
Thanks, Brenda! You are so right, we need to try not to strech ourselves too thin and that is just what I have done. So, my break is a time to figure out what and how I am going to do things going forward.
Thanks so much for leaving your sweet comments. I appreciate them a lot.
KC
This is so refreshing to hear! The other day I was feeling like I wanted to run away from it all. My sisters have had conversations about how you and so many others seem to be so successful and we feel like with 3 of us sharing the load we can’t keep up with what others are doing. Some how it seems like it should be easier.
We have a friend who started writing a blog about the same time we got really serious about ours and she had several pins go viral, with little marketing she is getting 50 times the monthly hits (sadly not an exaggeration).
Just know that we really enjoy what you publish, thank you for the honesty.
I think I want to run away from it all often! Then someone, like yourself, will say something so sweet or do something so kind for me or my blog and it just picks me up and I keep going. I so understand what you and your sisters are feeling. Of course, I look at you being able to have 3 of you and think it must be soo much easier, but the truth is, it is just a challenge to fit what we are doing around our families. I know it is so hard to not compare, especially when you have a friend who has grown much faster, but try to just keep true to why you and your sisters started the blog. It will pay off! I feel like I’m growing so slowly and sometimes it just doesn’t feel worth it, but I usually only have those feelings when I am comparing. Otherwise, I have stayed true to myself and my personality and so I have peace with where I am at.
I sooo appreciate you leaving the comments that you do! They really encourage me and are some of the super nice things that keep me going. Thank you!
I hope all three of you have a great week!
KC
Love it! Just stopping by to say you were featured today! Thanks for linking up… come grab a button š https://www.whatscookingwithruthie.com xoxo~ Ruthie
Thanks for the feature Ruthie!
KC
Love this post, you’re not alone! I know that many of us feel the same way…I have felt so behind lately with family obligations and going out of town! Sometimes I think we just need time to regroup. š
Thank you, Marie! I’m on week 2.5 of my break. I’m finally starting to feel like my head is clearing. Much needed. Now I have family coming in town…then back to ‘real’ life!
Take care,
KC
try flylady.com
I used to use her stuff, but it stopped working for me. So now I’m trying something else. Thanks for the tip.
KC